Why are you so offensive?

I don't know, why are you so lame?

Allow me to explain before you call HR…of the company I own.

Here we go: I speak like real people speak all the time, everyday, everywhere, all over America.

White people, back people, brown people - all of us.

However, discourse is policed by prudish mid-wits and the internet is full of man-teet hall monitors on high alert for naughty talk.

“OMG! He put a sombrero on a ghost for Cinco de Mayo! That is cultural appropriation!”

lol, ok, Bradley. Calm down.

In order for something to be truly offensive the speaker must mean offense.

I rarely do.

Even then, you shouldn’t care because:

1. it literally doesn’t matter

2. being offended is for nerds

I am a white dude with a white wife and adopted black kids. Do you know how much weird $%^# I’ve heard over the past 16 years?

A lot.

• “Were they all out of white kids?”

• “Do they know you aren’t their real parents?”

• “How black is your wife?”

• “Buying a baby doesn’t mean you aren’t a racist.”

I have never once been offended because:

1. I am an adult

2. I don’t assume the worst about people

3. the opinions of others have little-to-no impact on my life

If you feel offended - stop.

It’s weak and sad.

Grow a pair (or whatever the equivalent is for females) and move on with your life.

In Conclusion

I’m not offensive. I’m hilarious and basically normal.

If you think I am offensive please evaluate your mental fortitude and check your privilege.

If that doesn’t work remember my disclaimer - any offensive comments are made while identifying as a member of the offended group. Boom - problem solved.

That’s it. That’s all I’ve got.

Have a great day,

-Kalian

PS, subscribe below or face HR for racial discrimination tomorrow.